Serial Killer Seeking Next Victim (decoded)

Watch a movie and ski/420/drink (East Village)”
Hi-
I think the title says it all. I am looking for someone to hang with tonight…I just don’t want the night to end. I am 35, cute, tall, fun, open minded and nice. No expectations. Let’s chat to see if we are a match……

Decoded:

SERIAL KILLER SEEKING NEXT VICTIM

Looking for cool chick without standards.

If you’re ugly, I won’t fuck you. But I’ll probably take a b.j.  

(Meet me in the back alley behind the Chinese place on the corner.)

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Decoding Personals

Searching: someone who has a history of depression – m4w – 41 (nyc bronx westchester)

seeking out a friend who has a history with depression and looking for someone
to chat with over email 
not just one or 2 emails but something long term we don’t have to meet and we can talk about other things at times but looking for support with someone who 
has the same kind of background as me I am functional and normal just have problems 
looking for someone who is in the same boat and looking for something as i am.

Decoded:

I’m seeking to find someone I can share my diary entries with.

I don’t really want to see you ever in my life time, but cyber sex is okay.

Please know all the lyrics to every NIN song ever made. (I plan on sending you my own lyrics.)

jobs wanted

Process Integration Specialist (Charlottesville)

compensation: warm fuzzies
Seeking paradigm-shifting go-getter to integrate global solutions technologies in a diverse work space.
Responsibilities: Think outside the box
– Record keeping
– Data collection
– Process-integration specializing
– Systems-design analyzing
– Systems-information processingQualifications:
– Six-year bachelor’s degree from a four-year college.
– Outside-the-box mentality
– Hot body (clothing optional, but frowned upon)

Compensation: Warm fuzzies
Information about the employer: Multi National Technology Integration Firm. Inventive, creative, fun-loving, out-going. I like long walks on the beach.

http://charlottesville.craigslist.org/sad/4698500310.html

missing connections

List the following:

1. Public Transportation

2. Noun

3. Adjective

4. Noun

5. Verb

6. Noun

7, Adjective

8. Verb

9. Verb

You were on the (1) and I was standing by the (2). You were wearing a (3,4) and (5)ing a (6). I think you’re really (7) and would like to (8) you. I’ve been (9)ing about you ever since.